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A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Friday, July 16, 2010

Butter Y'all

I love Paula Deen! She is so awesome! Click on the pic to visit her website.
Bless her southern heart, she has a canning how-to on her website (Home Canning 101). Both of Grandmothers canned food. I remember thinking that it was really a dumb waste of time. Why not just go to the store and by a bunch of canned food? But, as an adult I can appreciate the goodness of something that takes time, hard work, and love. Oh, how I wish that I had learned from them. Not just about canning, but about many other things too. My Dad's parents were married for 10 years before he came along. Which means that my Grandmother struggled with infertility. Yes, there could have been male factor too - my Grandfather was over weight and not exactly healthy. But, my Grandmother nearly died giving birth to my Dad. There is a pretty good chance that she had what I have (a unicornuate uterus). How did she handle dealing with infertility? How did he? What was it like for her when she did conceive, carry, and deliver a baby? Things that I wish I had asked her. I suppose I can guess. I'm sure she handled infertility much better than I have. I mean, I even know what my issues are. She didn't. She must have prayed for a child so hard. I know I haven't prayed nearly hard enough. She held so much wisdom that I never cared to tap into. I would give about anything to spend just a few more minutes with her. For my sake of course, she is in the perfect place. The knowledge of years lived and hard work done with so much love is lost. I let it go. But, there is hope. More than ever, I realize that I have to give my child/children the tools that I should have learned from her. I have to learn them myself. I am now learning many life lessons that will stay with me forever. Soon I will learn to can food so that I can teach my child to do it too. I know she would want me to and that's the best thing I can do to honor the gift that she was in my life.

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