A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

7th Mother's Day

The picture is the front side of a card that DaySpring is selling among their Mother's Day cards. The card is for women who have a difficult time on the holiday. I think it is an awesome idea and a very nice thing for them to do. Click on the picture to have a closer look and order a box of 3 cards.

This year marks the 7th Mother's Day that I have endured since discovering my infertility. It never gets easier. I'm dreading it more than I can say. I wish it wasn't a negative day for me and so many others, but it is what it is. It's a day to celebrate women who are blessed enough to have children. We are women who can't have children. It's like a national holiday for people who can walk. People who can't - they would feel really bad. I'm not saying, "Let's do away with Mother's Day". I would not deny women who have been blessed with children their due recognition. All I'm saying is that it would be great if people would acknowledge that I (and others) have a fair and real reason to avoid the happy festivities of that day. As my Grandpa would say, "You can wish in one hand and spit in the other, see which one fills up first."
I am facing an opportunity to hopefully be a mother come August. However, I know that I will never be able to enjoy Mother's Day even if I do become a mother. I will never forget how it feels to be reminded of the sadness of infertility. For one thing I will never not be infertile. Infertility will be with me for the rest of my life. For another, I would never allow myself to forget the lessons I've learned from infertility. I've gained a great sense of empathy for others that are hurting. Not just from infertility, but from many other things as well. I'm amazed at the stories that others have shared when I mention that I can't have kids. People carry pain within them that they would never other wise speak of. They tell me in whispered voices and confidential emails. I could never betray that by pretending that I no longer have to worry about Mother's Day just because I became a mom.
Well, anyway.... If you know someone who might have a difficult time on Mother's Day due to infertility, infant/child loss, or loss of a mother or other female loved one - remember these things:

  • Don't put them through a guilt trip for not coming to the church service, family gathering, or social party. They avoided it because they didn't want to cry through it as if it were a funeral.

  • Don't give them a hard time about going into hiding on that day. They don't want to ruin it for everyone else by having a tantrum in the middle of the card isle at Walmart.

  • Don't use the day as an opportunity to tell them to get over their pain. You might not live to see Monday.

  • DO give them a break. DO pray for them. If you think you can do it tactfully, DO let them know that you are thinking about them. DO give them a shoulder to cry on if they burst into tears. DO support them if someone starts the DON'Ts in your presence.

Be aware of what other people are going through and put yourself in their shoes.


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