A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Thursday, July 21, 2011

On The Road Again

Tuesday morning I decided to head out on the road with my hubby. It was literally a last minute descion on both our parts. When he first started his job, about two months ago, he was told that no one was allowed to even ride in his company truck much less go on the road with him. However, recently he was told that he actually was allowed to have "ride alongs" (as if he were a cope or something) occasionally. Well, I've been so preoccupied about the baby I felt that I couldn't possibly be so far away from the hospital that she is being delivered in. So, I hadn't gone with him at all. Well, with the news we got on Monday I really wanted to be near my hubby and I figured I could use the time away from everything. Maybe, if only for a day, I could relax and focus on something else. Like the open road. We started out early on Tuesday morning, but not as early as he would've liked. By the time we decided that I could and should indeed come with him he was all ready to go and I was still in my pjs. So, I made him a little late. But, it was still early for me. I am not a morning person. Which is why I slept part of the way to our first location. Basically what my husband does is this: He installs and repairs monitoring systems on farm chemical tanks. Some jobs take only a few minutes, other take hours. The sites tend to be very rural, not always but most of the time. It was a pleasant surprise when I could get a decent cell phone signal to text or web. So, I spent a lot of time sitting in his company truck watching him work. There was a few things I could help him out with. Mainly paperwork and working his gps. Thankfully, I had picked up a book and my mp3 before we left the house. I also did a lot of napping. Overall, I ended up staying out with him for three days. We just got home a few hours ago (It is now nearly 11:00 p.m.). I had a lot of time to myself in his truck to think and pray. I came to the conclusion that whatever God has in store for us concerning this baby, I can deal with it. If Kmom changes her mind, then it's ok. If she places with us, then great. If we have to go around and around, back and forth for the next 5 weeks - then so be it. I have had almost 8 years to become comfortable with having hope & faith in God where my motherhood is concerned, and I can do this. All of the struggling and heartache as brought me to this point. I am so close to being a mother, but If God has brought me here so that He can let it be taken from me.... then I will cry and be sad, but it's not the end of the world. I have so much in my life. A wonderful husband, an amazing family ( my parents, my brother & his family, grandparents), and I have a future. Baby or not. I'm going to be fine. It is going to be okay.
Update: Monday evening N called me and told me that Kmom's doctor had confirmed that there never was an inducement date. Furthermore, Kmom was only 35 weeks along. We will probably never know the reason for the confusion (or deception if that is the case). N still tells me that Kmom is committed to placing with us. However, we have our doubts (and rightly so). In any case, we are determined to see this through to whatever end. Please keep us in your prayers.


Ashley said...

That's so weird that she would give you a fake induction date and wrong due date! I would definitely be cautiously optimistic. I love your attitude and faith in God's plan. Praying for you!

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