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A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Friday, August 12, 2011

You Knew!


"I don't understand why you are so upset - you knew that she might parent".  Well, that is a true statement.  I did know that.  And if that had been the only issue things would have been a lot easier.  Let me play out that scenario for us:

We arrive at the hospital to discover that K has decided to parent.  We are sad, but I give K a hug and smile over at her babyZ and know that everything is going to be okay.  My hubby and I walk hand-in-hand back to our car and drive home. 

But, that's not what happened.  K lied to us, manipulated us, and strung us along for three days while we waited just two doors down.  If she had chosen not to do that; yes, I would still be sad about not bringing home a baby but I could deal with everything much better.  I would not feel dooped, angry, guilty, and just plain stupid.  I would not feel a loss of trust in birthmoms. 
Did I know that she could and might decide to parent?  Of course!  Did I know that she was going to act the way she did.  NO!  I would never treat someone that way, therefore I don't expect someone to do those things to me.  K made a choice.  She choose to shred the connection that I thought I had with her.  That I had hoped I would have with her in the future.  I was so open to having her be apart of our lives.  Now, I don't know that I want that with any birthmom.  Oh, we will still have somewhat of an open adoption because our agency insists on it.  But, I won't be able to open my heart to another birthmom the way I did with K.  I'm upset because she ruined it. 


2 comments:

Ashley said...

I can definitely understand your hesitation in trusting another birthmom with your heart. Please know that they aren't all like that. I'm so sorry you had to go through this experience.

kate said...

I second what Ashley said. Of course you'll be guarded with any future birthmom, especially until papers are signed and you're given custody and then granted your adoption plea. And depending on the type of person she is, you'll have to do what is best for your child and your family after all of the paperwork part is over.

But our birthmom is wonderful and I wouldn't want you to miss out on the potential of having a good relationship with your future birthmom forever because of K.

There are good birthmoms out there. Truly there are. And in time, I pray God will restore your faith in them and give you an extremely special relationship with the future one He has picked out just for you.

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