A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Monday, March 5, 2012

5 Months Old

Olive is 5 months old today.  I still feel like a new mom though.  I'm not sure when that excuse wears off.  She is doing some pretty cool stuff these days.  She is rolling over, pivoting in a circle on her belly, and scooting herself with her feet and knees.  We tried oatmeal cereal last month and it went okay.  Tonight we tried sweet potatoes.  Her very first baby food.  She loved it!  She probably ate a little more than a tablespoon.  She is taking 5 oz of formula.  She has about 4 bottles a day and two in the evening to get ready for bed.  Bedtime is still a chore most of the time.  Although, it's easier when Hubby isn't here.  He just creates an energy in the house I guess that keeps Olive hyped.  Tonight I had her asleep and down by 8:00 p.m.  It's nearly 11:00 and she hasn't peeped at all.  She will probably wake up at midnight for her night time bottle, or I might get lucky and she will wait until 2:00 or 3:00.  But, we can't seem to cut out that one nighttime feeding.  I don't really mind it though.  As far as getting her to sleep, I've learned it's best just to take her to the bedroom, give her that final bottle, watch t.v. and relax, and wait for her to pass out on her own.  Basically, she hates being put to sleep.  So I let it sneak up on her.  Some nights she will still be going strong at 11:00 and beyond.  But recently she has been falling asleep earlier and easier.  Hopefully the bedtime battles are soon totally behind us.  At least on week days anyway.  Which creates more free time for mommy.  More free time makes me much more pleasant.  The first few months I felt like I had give her everything I had.  Then, in her third month when I was hoping to take some of myself back she was already addicted to on-demand mommy.  I can't tell you how much I just wanted a few minutes to myself.  I know it's morbid to want a child so much and then when I have one I want to be alone.  That's the catch when a childless woman gets a child.  While she was being so miserably childless, she was getting used to it.  I envy those woman who's husbands are so involved with the kids.  My hubby is very good with our daughter, and he loves her very much.  But, he has to be away for his job.  So, I don't have that person who will be coming home in a few hours to give me a break and pick up the slack.  When you know that help is days away it can become very overwhelming.  I rely too much on my parents to make up for it, but I get to the point after a few days where I don't know what else to do.  I know they love Olive and myself, but it makes me feel weak.  I've never really cared about being strong before.  Hubby was strong for me.  But, now Olive depends on me to take care of everything.  I've been thrown into independence against my will.  Last week the pilot light on our furnace went out.  I didn't know how to re lite it.  I realized just how lost I was when it comes to stuff like that.  When Hubby got home he showed me how to lite it and fix several other things around the house.  I really have no desire to be in this place at this point in my life.  But as usual this place has found me.  I'm about to see what I'm made of. 
Pictures of Olive coming soon.


Ashley said...

It is such a huge adjustment going from childless to full-time mommy, even more so in your case I'm sure! It does get a little easier as they get older and can play independently some (or be entertained by Baby Einstein videos). I know it has to be hard to be basically a single mother. Thinking of you and still praying that your hubby can find a job closer to home.

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