1 Year Ago

Yesterday (the 30th) BabyZ turned 1.  I couldn't help but think of her.  I pray for her all the time.  That she would be well taken care of and that the Lord would be with her through out her life.  I've also been thinking about how quickly life can change.  A year ago we were hulled up in a hospital room feeling very confused and defeated.  When we returned home without BabyZ I did not want to continue with adoption.  The process had been lost on me.  A few days later we decided that we would continue, but to be honest I didn't think we would make it much longer.  We had seen one of the many dark sides of adoption.  If someone had told me that almost exactly two months later I would be bringing home a different little girl, MY little girl - I wouldn't have believed it possible.  I think I felt like adoption was against me.  That I would never reach the other side.  Little more than a month after BabyZ was born - we rushed to another hospital to meet yet another little girl.  A very sick little girl.  Again we understood that adoption is not as beautiful as they say.  The miracle that she is, Isabella Grayce is still fighting for her life but also filling the hearts of her adoptive family.  Her adoptive mommy is gracious enough to let me stay updated on her via facebook.  When we had to leave her in that hospital NICU I doubted that she would make it through the night.  Her doctors have said that she won't make it to her first birthday.  But, the Lord continues to breath life into her and she continues to bless the hearts of many.  I pray for her all the time as well, even though I don't feel worthy to do so.  Our brief experiences with those two girls were, in a way, preparation for Olive.  When we first brought her home I thanked God daily for her health and I still know that I will never take it for granted.  Not knowing Olive's birthmom has been difficult but I think I'm starting to accept that the way it happened was best and that I can make sure Olive knows about her even if I don't have contact with her.  A year later, I look back on all of it and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I know our three years of waiting was something that we needed to go through.  We had to wait for Olive to be born.  As we approach her first birthday in October I can barely remember what life was like without her.  What a difference a year can make.  You never know what a year might bring.