A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Monday, July 12, 2010

A Me Calling

Yesterday we had two men from our church fill in at the pulpit for our pastor. He had been unexpectedly called away. The one who did the morning service said something that I've been thinking about every since. He said, "God has called me to be who I am" - or something to that affect. God called me to be me. I can't pretend to be someone else, or something that I'm not. I try very hard to make other people happy. Then, when others are displeased with me - I have much anxiety over it. Recently I chose to get a job outside of my home to try and help with our complicated financial situation. After two weeks at the job, I also chose to quit. It was the worst job I've ever had. True, I've not had that many jobs. However, when I did work- I was committed to the job until I was free to move on. I've been giving people all kinds of excuses as to why I quit. And in my mind they are all good reasons too. The biggest reason why I quit, and I haven't mentioned it much because most people wouldn't understand, is that things were not being done around our home that had to be done. Important things, even by most people's standards. Anyway, I really shouldn't care what other's think. I shouldn't be frustrated when I receive that judgemental, "Oh, she's one of those non-working types" look. I'm a wife. That's who I am. That's who I've been for almost 10 years. And yes, that is who I believe I am called to be. I hope to be called to be a mother one day too, but if not - no matter what, I am always going to be a wife. Some women believe that they can do it all. Perhaps it is possible. But, that is not who I am and I do not believe that is what God has asked of me. I have priorities and I am comfortable with them. God, Husband, Home, Family, and Me. I strive to make choices that implement my priorities. Do you see a need for a huge, fancy home with expensive things in that list? I don't. I've never put money anywhere near the list of things that are important to me. If that makes people feel annoyed or even angry with me, well then I guess I have to learn to deal with that. I do not intend to ever try to work a full time job again. I do not intend to go to college. I do not intend to be someone other than me.


gin said...

shortly after reading your post, i read this one at Raising Homemakers

i hope it encourages you! May God bless you for embracing your call! it is bringing glory to the Creator!!

Bethanie said...

Thanks Gin, I'll check that out!

Kristi said...

OH, Bethanie! I'm so glad I found this today.
Long story short, I've been considering a job to help with our finanicial situation too. As you know we homeschool. That, on top of the fact that I enjoy keeping my home,etc, I've had so many doubts. We have the same heart when it comes to the things that are important to us. Thanks for the post. It kind of helped settle some decisions for myself. I need to be who God called me to be!


Bethanie said...

Wow! I'm glad that my post could help!

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