A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Day I Became Infertile

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Today Julie Dunahue shared a post on the Held blog about the day she became infertile. You can read her post here. After reading it, I decided that I would write about the day that I became infertile. Julie states, "Infertility is a state of mind. Doctors define infertility as “unable to conceive after a year of unprotected sex”." I can definitely relate to that. I did not come by infertility according to a doctor's definition. Yes, we did unsuccessfully try to conceive for the better half of a year - but that was not what made me infertile. No, infertility came to me in one moment. One very hazy moment, but one moment non the less. It was November 13, 2003. I was 22 years old. Two days after our 3rd wedding anniversary. You can read about my whole infertility story by clicking on the "My Infertility Story" at the top. But, right now I'm going to write about that exact moment. I had just come out of surgery to remove ovarian cysts. I woke up in recovery still foggy from anesthesia and morphine. I could see my mother and husband standing around my bed. There was also a nurse checking my vitals. I must have asked if everything went okay or something along those lines. The nurse was quick to answer something like, "Everything went fine, but there is a problem". I was already becoming upset and insisted on knowing what that meant. I remember the exact words that the nurse said next, even though I was pretty drugged up. She said, "You might not be able to have a baby". You have no idea how many times I have replayed that moment in mind. How many times I have heard that horrible woman's words in my head. Horrible because you don't tell someone something like that when they are in such a vulnerable state. Rest assured my mother made her wish that she hadn't come to work that day. Anyway, that single moment changed everything for me for the rest of my life. That was the day, and even the second that I became infertile.


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