A blog about infertility, adoption,and adoption loss which has finally led to a beautiful miracle who was worth smiling for."Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."Proverbs 31:25

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Non-Stop Change

The past 14 months has been one episode of change after another. Some good changes, some not so good - but they've come none-the-less. Last Spring we nearly lost our house. Our "fixed" mortgage went sky high due to a mistake in our agreement with our mortgage company. We got way behind. We tried everything to attempt to make it cheaper again, but in the end there was nothing we could do. We had to make the costly payments until December 2010. We depleted what little we had saved for future adoption fees, we gave up several conveniences, and sacrificed a lot to keep from being homeless. January's bill came and it was so sweet to see that lower payment again! I went through a lot of heartache considering the adoption. Waiting is torment. At times I felt like maybe we should stop the adoption or move onto to something else. I just wanted so badly to be doing something other than waiting. A scripture kept filtering through, "Be still and know that I AM God". I would hear it all the time. In church sermons, in songs, in my dreams. Over and over I didn't want to understand it. A few months ago we watched the new version of the Karate Kid and in one scene the couch tells the kid, "Being still and doing nothing are two different things". That struck me really big. God wasn't asking me to do nothing so I could sit around a be miserable. He wanted me to be still and believe that He would take care of everything. Just a few weeks ago we were matched with a bmom. She is everything that I had hoped our bmom would be. Come August, hopefully, we will be parents. Last October my husband was fired from the company that he devoted himself to for 12 and a half years. He was devastated. His pride took a big blow. Being the awesome man that he is he was only unemployed for three weeks, but taking such a cut in pay and respect was very difficult for him. He began working for a hog farm. I hadn't noticed how stressful his previous job had been on him. With this new job he seemed like a load had been lifted off him. Our already strained financial situation got worse, but he was free from the burdens of that previous job. What seemed like a horrible thing, I can now see that it was a huge blessing. I started working at a daycare in August 2010. Before he lost his job. Mostly just to help out with things. But I soon realized that it was a foreshadowing of what was to come. When he didn't have a job, I did. My pay checks paid whole bills. The two wonderful women that I work for were so supportive and understanding of my situation. A coworker even let me have her hours a few times so that I could make more money. I am so thankfully that the Lord gave me that job. A few weeks ago we heard about a job opportunity and I sent them his resume. Last Wednesday the hog farm let him go. The very next morning he was hired by the new company. He started Monday. He is making more money and better benefits than his old long-time job. It is difficult because he has to be away, but I am so, so proud of him! He is devoted to working hard to provide for his family (me). He is the most amazing man! I thank God every day for giving me to him. As I said, he has to be gone some, so I am learning to be strong in holding down our fort so-to-speak. He is texting and calling me often. It is going to be super sweet to have him all to myself this weekend. My hours are being cut at the daycare for the summer due to their college employees being available full time. So, I will have the time to take care of everything going on here at home and I can meet up with him when he has to be away. When peanut comes along he/she can go too. If I am a mommy come August, then I will not be returning to work.

We've had a lot of years of nothing new. Recently, nothing stays the same. I guess it's God's way of keeping us from getting bored or too comfortable.


Ashley said...

Isn't it amazing how God always provides? What a testimony you have! Continuing to pray for your match!

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