Mess

When my niece was just learning to talk and associate words she used to say "Mess" in her cute little voice.  *Smile* usually the mess was made by her. 

Well, I've made a mess myself.  I really should never blogged about our alleged "ttc window", as I've come to call it.  It's been one big mess.  Sunday I started bleeding again.  Not a lot, but enough to annoy me.  And worry me.  On Monday morning I got word from my doctor that if I wasn't done bleeding by Wednesday that I would need a D&C.  This did not make me happy.  But, I was somewhat relieved to here that maybe there was something else that could be done to make this morbid marathon come to an end.  I've been bleeding for more than a month.  My ttc dreams were melting.  As of right now, I haven't had anymore bleeding since Sunday night.  Am I cured?  We'll see.  What about ttc?  I don't know. 

Did I have a miscarriage?  Well, I don't know about that either.  I don't think I did, but who knows.  I have been passing tissue starting with a large piece on Sunday.  However, everything I've read about miscarriages - the tissue is usually pink or gray.  I've only had dark red.  Also, I haven't really had an cramping.  I've had some uncomfortable feelings in my tummy, but I wouldn't call them cramps.  More like soreness and tight feelings.  And would I really be bleeding for so long?  What has been happening with me?  I just don't know.  It may have been due to just not having a period for several months prior to all this.  It all boils down to how screwed up my body is.  It's a mess.