Mess

When my niece was just learning to talk and associate words she used to say "Mess" in her cute little voice.  *Smile* usually the mess was made by her. 

Well, I've made a mess myself.  I really should never blogged about our alleged "ttc window", as I've come to call it.  It's been one big mess.  Sunday I started bleeding again.  Not a lot, but enough to annoy me.  And worry me.  On Monday morning I got word from my doctor that if I wasn't done bleeding by Wednesday that I would need a D&C.  This did not make me happy.  But, I was somewhat relieved to here that maybe there was something else that could be done to make this morbid marathon come to an end.  I've been bleeding for more than a month.  My ttc dreams were melting.  As of right now, I haven't had anymore bleeding since Sunday night.  Am I cured?  We'll see.  What about ttc?  I don't know. 

Did I have a miscarriage?  Well, I don't know about that either.  I don't think I did, but who knows.  I have been passing tissue starting with a large piece on Sunday.  However, everything I've read about miscarriages - the tissue is usually pink or gray.  I've only had dark red.  Also, I haven't really had an cramping.  I've had some uncomfortable feelings in my tummy, but I wouldn't call them cramps.  More like soreness and tight feelings.  And would I really be bleeding for so long?  What has been happening with me?  I just don't know.  It may have been due to just not having a period for several months prior to all this.  It all boils down to how screwed up my body is.  It's a mess.

Better Late Than Never

Well, we are a little behind from what I thought our schedule would be (which is why I changed the ticker).  I was determined to wait until I was finished bleeding.  Finally, today I seem to have stopped.  So, the baby making shall commence tomorrow.  I will take my last estrogen pill tomorrow night - and I'm ready.  Estrogen is not my friend.  I've had headaches, been totally uptight (like even more than usual), and I'm pretty sure it has given me heartburn and possibly paranoia.  Or maybe those last two symptoms are just me. 

Anyway, keep us in your prayers and send us some baby dust!

Pap me if you dare

*WARNING- Not Man Friendly Reading*

I've been having some lady equipment issues.  Without going over all the details, lets just say that as usual my junk is messed up.  I've been dealing with it for a few weeks now.  I finally broke down and went to the doctor today.  I really hate going to the doctor.  I'm a terrible patient.  At least I imagine that I am to a doctor.  And we don't have any insurance.  We haven't had any since the hubby lost his job back in Oct. 2010.  But, I went.  I knew they would pap me.  I HATE those!  I've had dozens since 2003, but I never get used them.  They are easier, but never fun.  IFers are export pap-ers.  The nurse (also my sis-n-law) put out the tools and told me the doctor would be with me in a moment.  As I sat there the speculum was staring at me.  Daring me to bolt out the backdoor of the office.  Then I realized how much the spreader part looks like a dolphin head.  "I don't need to be afraid of that thing", I thought.  Then I started getting mental images of a dolphin and um... lady bits.  The doctor came into the room with me laughing out loud at the silliness.  She asked me how my nerves were doing?  (considering the adoption loss and all)  For a second I think she may have thought that I lost it.  I assured her that I was as sane as usual.  We got the hard part over and she prescribed estrogen.  Later my sis-n-law called to tell me that the doctor forgot to mention that I will be fertile for a few weeks.  It was a big shocker because I never consider myself fertile.  But, now it seems that I have a ttc (trying to conceive) opportunity.  And I'm taking it.  I'm not sure what I would do if I actually did get pregnant.  It's never seemed this possible before.  So, we'll see.

*POS means Pee On a Stick*